I don't like the Appalcart. Actually, that's putting it lightly; I can't stand it. For those of you fortunate enough not to know what the Appalcart is, it's the transportation Appalachian provides to us to get to wherever we're going. It sounds useful, and it is, in theory. In all actuality it's really just a nightmare.

First of all, unless it's the weekend or after five o'clock, there are never enough seats. If there's one thing worse than riding a bus to get to your morning class two minutes after you just woke up, it's standing up on that bus desperately trying to hold on to the handrails that have apparently been slathered with Crisco while the driver takes every turn at approximately 50 mph. I'm trying not to bump into every person that's next to me in a seat and trying not to rear end the guy standing in front of me whenever the bus driver makes one of his patented emergency break stops. By the end of the ride I feel like I've just been through an exhausting upper body workout and now I have to sprint to class because the driver was a little late and now I have two minutes to make a five minute trip to class.

That's another thing that bugs the crap out of me, the Appalcart's punctuality. One of the benefits of living in Highlands (other than the dryers that take four dryer cycles to actually DRY the clothes) is that the Appalcart runs from there to campus every 15 minutes. Once again, good in THEORY. What actually happens is that the Appalcart people have strategically timed things so that whenever I'm waiting to get back from class, the bus doesn't come until half an hour after it's supposed to. Then, as if that's not bad enough, they almost always stop at the Appalcart headquarters so that another college dropout can man the helm. As if the first Appalcart driver was just working so hard getting to me late that he just really needed a break.

Now let's look at the rare instance that the bus is not packed to capacity. I actually get a seat. For those of you who know me, I'm not exactly built for bus seats. My legs are long. I cannot sit with my legs directly in front of me. I either need to use the spread eagle approach, where I spread my legs and practically straddle the seat in front of me, or I can cheat by angling my knees towards the seat next to me. When I use this approach, it is usually supposed to signify to people "sit here only if this is the absolute last resort." But people are stupid. There's always some guy who doesn't even bother looking and stops at the "empty" seat next to me, does the whole moving the bookbag to his front move, then proceeds to plop down next to me as I scurry to move my knees so they don't get sat on. Then the entire ride I'm in the precarious position of the half knee angle. Where it's like I angled my knees towards the other seat, but since someone is occupying the space they would normally go, they are jammed against the seat in front of me, always with the most sensitive point of my knee leading the way. Every time I get a seat to myself it always turns into the most dramatic moment for me. With every person that passes my empty seat I get a little more excited. "Maybe this will be the day," I say to myself. It never is.

Another problem I have with the Appalcart is the problem of seeing someone you know on the bus. Not someone you know as in one of your closes friends, but an acquaintance or someone you were friends with before but haven't seen for a while. Especially when this is later and there are a ton of open seats available. Then you have to make that split decision. Do you sit RIGHT next to them even though there are other open seats? Do you sit across the isle from them or near them? Or do you say "hey" then go sit at the back of the bus like you were planning on in the first place? If you choose one of the first two options, that means you're stuck with a 15 minute conversation. Normally this would be fine, I can do that, I'm a talker. But if you made a wrong decision and sat by someone that you don't have 15 minutes worth of material to talk about then you're looking at a five minute surface conversation then ten minutes of pretending you're very interested on what's going on outside the bus. What can you do? You're just sitting there next to this person and you've totally run out of things to talk about. You can't make an excuse to go anywhere, you're on a bus. Sometimes I've resorted to taking a fake phone call or text message. Other times I desperately try and keep the conversation going with things like "man I'm sure glad this bus has heat," or "my favorite color is definitely blue, what about you?" That's assuming you've already gone through the normal conversation basics like classes, weather, and the weekend. I know it's ridiculous, but I think about things like this. Maybe it's not just the Appalcart, maybe it's because I'm just awkward talking to anyone that I'm not really good friends with.

Let me show you how a typical conversation goes when I see someone I kind of know or haven't seen for a while and am not really friends with anymore.

Person: Hey Matt.
Me: Hey (person's name, which can also be replaced by "man" if I forget their name, or "you" if it's a girl)
Person: How's it going?
Me: Good, good, just, you know, classes...how are you?
Person: I'm doing good, this semester's been hard so far.
Me: Tell me about it...so what's new with you?
Person: Not a whole lot, just school and stuff, you?
Me: Yeah, the same, and Higher Ground takes up a lot of my time.
Person: Oh yeah, how's that going?
Me: Good, good (I can expound upon it here depending on how long I want to talk to this person). Got any plans for the weekend? (Note: this step really isn't an option unless it's at least Wednesday, even then you're pushing it)
Person: Not really sure yet, how about you?
Me: Oh probably just the usual, doing stuff with the roommates.
Person: That's cool

(Here's where the pause usually comes where we both rack our brains to see if there's anything else we really need to discuss)

Me: ...Well, I gotta get going. I have to (makes up some excuse that most of the time is something ingenious like "go over there...")
Person: Alright man, I'll see you later.
Me: Take it easy.

This whole encounter usually lasts a good three minutes. Although sometimes if you're walking and passing this person you both can do the whole "slow down but not really stop" conversation and do it in around 30 seconds...if you start from far enough away.

So there you have it, a quick little tour on the inner workings of my brain. Little scary isn't it? I am the king of overthinking, I know. But that's just me. I like to think of it as quirky. So count yourself lucky if I consider you one of my good friends and you don't have to deal with this crazy side of me.